I have watched as brothers and sisters have cried out Black Lives Matter, and it has filled me with a sadness because I have lived the majority of my life immersed within the African American communities that I have lived. My perspective has grown to share my beliefs where all human beings are concerned, not because I have turned a blind eye to the crimes that are committed to African Americans, but because I have come to understand that all human beings are suffering in some form or another. We all have opinions and perspectives that matter, and I'd like to share my reasoning and why I have come to the conclusion that All Lives Matter.
When I was growing up in Denver, Colorado, I remembering seeing Roots in grade school, and what became clear to me was the cruelty of human beings. I was the victim of bullying growing up, and I remember so many incidents as if they happened yesterday. I was taunted for me silliness, my complexion, my geekiness. I had these huge lips on a skinny little body, because my lips were full of scar tissue after being hit by a car when I was four years old. I didn't have any teeth for a long time, and I knew my lips were disproportionate to my body; but, what perplexed me was the cruelness of my tormentors that came to school the following weeks after Roots ended and terrorizes the white children--and me. Even while confusion filled my small mind and I could have simply wrote off any association with my tormentors; I fell head over heels with the darkest boy in school. His name was Keith Lee, and I'd stare at him and follow him to the playground, the basketball court or wherever he was. I suppose I was a nuisance, but I didn't care. I wrote him long love notes, anyway.
Was my crush on him an avenue to gain acceptance, or was there simply a soul connection to another human being? Why was I so fascinated with who he was as a child, and my being and who I would be was established and set at a very young age; still, I was told on a daily basis that I didn't belong, that my mother peed me out and other mean comments that would make me cry and bruise my confidence. What fascinates me about myself is that I have never felt hate towards my community, yet I have received the nastiest treatment from my own community, which brings me to my beliefs this morning along with the courage to share in truth a very objective reality, with respect and love.
When we speak passionately about Black Lives Matter, and they do; my life matters and everyone in the African American community's lives matter and they have always mattered. Why has it taken this long for this acknowledgement to manifest? Why aren't we connecting with one another on a more humane level in our communities? Why are we as a people entertaining light skin dark skin, when in reality these types of analogies and differences aren't doing anything but perpetrating hate of ourselves? Why are we attacking the police and inciting riots when we as a people have so much work to do, and it's not going to happen overnight because this is centuries of damage? I cannot even pen how much compassion and love that I have had for a community of people who in essence may not like me, but that's what being educated about history does to one--it expands your mind and I've come to realize how real Post Traumatic Slavery Syndrome is.
Please understand, I am not minimizing the wrongs of officers who wear uniforms as civil servants and have taken an oath to protect and serve. These officers who have committed crimes against humanity are wrong, however, I do not want to see young men and women being retaliated against because of the riots and the anger that is so prevalent in our world, right now. I am a WOC and this is how I identify myself, and as a product of two parents from Jim Crow south who are both diverse in their backgrounds in different ways; I have a right and defend my right to speak on this delicate topic--Hate and discrimination. I may not know all of the intricate details behind history in reference to people of color, but I know enough to know that we must do something different as a people. So many of our elders and our ancestors have lived through abuses that we can't even fathom. They lived through seeing men and women lynched in the south; waking up to walking down the street and seeing the body of the boy next door hanging from a tree.
We cannot forget what has been done for our freedom, and our society may not readily heal from more divide and conquer tactics by outside agitation that are in fear of retaliation from a group of human beings that have continually been discriminated against throughout time. We don't like to look within our communities, but I ask that we all look within during this period of violence, hate and degradation of human beings. We are a dangerous people, and what I mean by this is that while we have challenges in many communities of color--the outside of these communities is accustomed to watching us do harm to one another. Whether it be drugs, hustling each other, crimes against women and so many other abuses that take place in communities of color. I am speaking from experience and with as much compassion as I possibly can on this page, but we are still a hurt and damaged people and no one wants to accept this because of the stigma of healing. We all need healing. We all need constructive ways to handle our anger, and positive reinforcement that we belong in this world that we created. Yes, we built this America that we live in, and we are not taking care of it if we are not willing to take care of ourselves.
We deserve so much more, yet we are afraid to treat each other with the necessary compassion that we all need. It would be easy for me to hate the men who have sexually assaulted me, and I must take action if it is true that these men are a part of the loss of my human rights; however, what about self-care and I am standing with other WOC who have been assaulted. This is my responsibility, and in reaching out to utilize my human rights I will more likely than not--interact with law enforcement. We will all at some point in our lives interact with law enforcement, and I also need to add that I too have been abused by bad officers in law enforcement. Yes, the loss of my human rights is also a direct result of some law enforcement officers who are bad people. I too, am afraid at times when I go out to run my errands because bad officers are everywhere, and the internet is connecting various networks on all levels. All of the officers who have participated in the loss of my human rights are not white officers, and this is crucial in understanding how society is affected by these crimes against humanity.
We also need to address the crimes that are happening to women, and there needs to be active participation in the healing of WOC in communities because without these women we will lose one of the most valuable assets that we have. We need to address the atrocities that are happening within the art community; we need to address the crimes that are happening to the hurt individuals who are still plagued by addiction, and in the midst of that battle we are in need of justice reform; we also need to address the mental well-being of our communities and make it okay for young people of color to not be ashamed of seeking help. These are all lives that matter, to me. When I speak of justice reform, I am speaking from a place that is demanding fairness. We are allowing certain elements in our society to run free with power, and it is costing our society the in more ways than one. I must add that I am against human rights violations for those who are incarcerated, and I have been attacked for being a "intellectual" who interacts with men friends who have been incarcerated. The loss of freedom has always been a serious matter for me, and human beings make mistakes. However, these carefully thought out human rights violations have grown into the Black Lives Matter movement, and I cannot not speak out for the Officers who have not created these issues. The issue of the loss of innocent lives isn't just police brutality, and I hope that some of my previous statements will incite more awareness.
A division is being created among people of color, and it has spilled into the conscious thinking that this is a war of us against them by way of police brutality. When in fact, the code of silence among our law enforcement is so deep that many officers cannot speak up, and they have the truth. We are living in a time where cash is king, and the influence that you impose on innocent human beings makes one a star. Think about it, influence alone and no one is questioning motives, principles or any reasoning behind the acts that are committed and it is showing up in reference to the killing of innocent men and women by law enforcement. Our society is being turned into a war zone for personal gain, senseless vendettas and the loss of our human dignity just because someone is a great influencer? Why? I am not the only one who has been stalked by way of third party harassment, but it has happened so long that I can actually pinpoint it and I have empathy and understanding with men and women who have been innocently incarcerated and railroaded. Why? Because it happened to me, and I'm innocent.
I'm sharing with so much love and compassion for humanity this morning, and while I have been virtually shell shocked in disbelief of what has happened to me; I have an understanding about this mess to share with others. We cannot attack our law enforcement. We need them. They are suffering, too. The influence of a cast system within communities of color is happening, now. I say this all the time, there is a shift happening in our society and I want to see people of color healing and creating beneficial alliances with others. I want to continue to see that man or woman who comes from the those humble beginnings, whether it's the projects, or like me, from a single parent home, make it. I want to see our children continue to dream and believe that it is possible. If we allow this cast system to happen, it's not going to be that way. If we continue to carry out these stupid vendettas that seem to instigate violence, and attack our law enforcement no one will be safe. I am innocent, and this is a person who just had the means to carry out a vendetta. An "influencer." I wasn't even charged with any crime and I didn't have a right to due process because of "power," and I can't stop repeating to myself over and over "slavery is illegal" and "I am not social security." I earned the right to be self sufficient and comfortable, just as the men and women who have lost theirs lives by way of violence had a right to be alive. This is not radical thinking, this is about humanity.
When we must feel privileged to not end up on a no-fly list when we are innocent, our losing our human rights. People of color, specifically African Americans are still in so much pain from slavery and Jim Crow south, that we cannot be objective to the real issues that can possibly set us back over 100 years. And guess what? You may not be able to see it now, but non people of color are included. I don't want to see people of color being needlessly incarcerated because of a "right now" or as a "Band-Aid" without solutions. I would like to see the Black Lives Matter movement succeed with graciousness because hate and anger is too high of a price to pay. Lives.
The Black Lives Matters campaign, and correct me if I'm wrong, flourished with the riots in Baltimore in the midst of the Freddie Grey killing; that was in 2013 and we have just witnessed two men shot and killed on Social Media in 2016. The lack of unity and compassion within communities of color has led us to this place where there are visible arguments of who is "black enough" to speak for the African American community. The discrimination within our community due to colorism is beginning to demand accountability, and Post Traumatic Slavery Syndrome must be healed in these areas in order to move forward. Myself as a beige woman who has lived her entire life as a "black woman," is now persecuted for a background that was not in my control, as other beige people within the African American community. When I state that All Lives Matter, it is a statement that comes from my deepest beliefs that all human beings matters, whether one is lighter or darker hue of skin is irrelevant. I know from experience from being trafficked; to being sexually assaulted; to being kidnapped and contained that many of the crimes that have happened to me have come from my own community.
There isn't a "one size fits all" to heal a society that has been plagued by discrimination and hate that is a result of not just slavery, but a group of people who are overwhelmed by self-hate. When I began to be vocal about All Lives Matter, and this is my true belief, it is because the same issues that continually happen by way of black on black crime and no one addresses that there isn't any logical reason to assault another person of color. There isn't any reason to attack another person of color because they're a geek, they're smart or they're not smart enough, and this cast system and status quo among people of color makes it easier for any one of color to lose their human rights. This is a dangerous position to be in, and then to add law enforcement into the equation while women of color are constantly coming up missing or have lost their lives due to domestic violence and sometimes just plain hate. Who is addressing these lives before any major police brutality surfaced, and those in law enforcement who do honor the oaths that they have taken need our support to be safe because there is an issue happening in law enforcement, and I am a victim of this.
When they say the "Revolution Will Not Be Televised," I don't believe that it was supposed to be in the first place. The revolution I seek is the one where we denounce colorism, and the practice of hate and violence in communities of color. When people of color stop hating themselves and blaming other people of color by way of a skin tone, of being the problem, and it's happening right now where the world can witness the separation. As I examine the trafficking that I've experienced, it isn't without the participation of people of color, and while I repeatedly refuse to be social security I am basically standing for myself. I have interacted with other women of color over the years, and it saddens me to think that no one enlightened me to this game that is played with the lives of people. For me, I can't say that it is entirely non people of color because it isn't. Still, I absolutely believe that Black Lives Matter, but for me I must stand by All Lives Matter. Hate grows in many directions, and it is interconnected and there are so many human beings who are victims of hate and their voices are not being heard.
I'm tired of the "only one syndrome," as I call it. Only one person of color can be a this or a that, when there should be many successes and praises to them all for their accomplishments. I believe in healthy competition because without it--there is no growth. However, when it comes to irrelevant conversations about, essentially, who deserves to be free and who deserves to be successful; it's nonsense to me. All Lives Matter and I believe that the same hate that is running through our society is also running through our law enforcement, and everyone needs a platform to discuss and end this violence. We cannot afford to do battle with law enforcement and lose more lives to the bad officers, and the good officers cannot prevent these crimes against humanity without the assistance of citizens. I've been stopped twice in one month, and both times my heart beat sped up a little bit faster. With this type of tension, the cops are afraid and so am I. Surely, chaos can come from two scared people, but sometimes the blessing is one person who puts fear aside and realizes that they may be looking at someone who is more afraid than them.
If someone were to share with me that I was being trafficked many years ago, the evidence of what can happen to a WOC in America may have not become visible; or maybe it would have taken a more serious turn that would have made fear push away optimism for a future. Growing up as a female child of color, I felt the quiet sting of indifference; still, there is no evidence to support silent discrimination. I'd like to think that it is a part of my generation's raising to work hard towards goals, and as a female I assumed I'd have to work harder.
When negative events happened in the past, whether it was sexual assault or the loss of housings; it's as if people of color expect for negative events to happen and the event isn't questioned because it's understood as a WOC that bad things happen. For me, it was as if it was imprinted on my mind right after high school to expect awful situations to show up. This mind-set in instilled in many women, and we are silent about our date rape encounters, and we don't report the abuses for the lack of trust that we have in the authorities. When we do speak out about the crimes that have been committed to us, we are immediately judged and our society blames the victim. I have become bottled up within the containment that can overwhelm lives of women because we live in a patriarchal society that has its own story.
As a Feminist, it has always made me question why anyone would attack the idea of Feminism because women have challenges that attack our human rights, and Feminism would not be a word if women did not face the challenge of being denied human rights. Women would not need to study their existence in history if it were the norm to respect our contributions. Women would not need domestic violence counseling if our society had no tolerance for abuses against women.
We are needed, and the talent and efforts of women are needed, as we are a huge part of our society and we, in a sense, add much needed attributes that benefit our society as a whole. Because our value is overlooked, we find ourselves even as Feminists, making others comfortable while we work towards basic human rights. We become embarrassed, as I have many times, for speaking our truth and rejecting abuse. As an introvert, who is not anti-social, I am also not anti-man, and have quietly strived to create a life for myself. Yet, this act is seen as a threat and the act is taken out of content, but if it were a man no one would question his efforts. Besides immediate family, he may not be pressured by society into marriage, right away. As a whole, the right to choose can be taken for granted.
The experience of abuse is like intermittent streams of thoughts, and society forces victims into denial. For me, as a WOC I accepted so many hardships that it may have become the norm. Lately, the coincidences have become clear, and my world has been opened up, even though I have been contained. My past surroundings have become a part of my experience without my permission, and I've realized that my life had been pried in as if it were a public display.
When I arrived in Arizona, I was honestly afraid because the act of taking away a human beings right to live and to earn a living, is a crime against that person's right to safety.
Addressing dignity would be an entire essay, as most women would notice even the slightest loss of self respect. We are constantly challenged as women, and when we can take care of ourselves we make better choices. The loss of the ability to take care of oneself, is not just a woman problem. It happens to everyone, but not as harshly as it does to a woman. When a woman is unable to successfully take care of herself, she immediately loses choice. How is it that a man can fabricate lies of mental illness, and society immediately agrees without proof.
When I speak about freedom to choose, and when I must speak about it; it isn't out of defiance and many times WOC are taught to be respectful, sometimes to a fault. We are taught early to neglect ourselves by minimizing our importance. For me, my convictions about being innocent comes from a place of respecting my ability to make choices. Now, everyone is challenged with learning about choices, and our elders may not understand our challenges because we appear to have a sense of entitlement. We should all have a sense of entitlement in reference to our human rights. Are human rights reserved for the wealthy, only? Or, a select group of individuals who are within a particular circle?
Human rights are a necessary resource, and bullying and cruel treatment "just because" is what past advocates of discrimination marched about. The need for the right to make choices, can appear to be defiant because the concept isn't the norm; yet, in so many ways everyone is practicing their own version of choices. I'm being attacked for living in my own freedom, and with freedom comes mistakes and the freedom to correct them. Freedom to interact with any human being, whether they are gay, purple or an alien is a choice made in freedom.
It isn't my intent to sound preachy, and these ideas may never cross some people's minds; however, this experience of losing my human rights has been an education of awareness and how vulnerable women are. Choosing freedom is not illegal, but racketeering is illegal, and I'm not willing to accept punishment for demanding the abuses against me to cease. So many times women are failed by our justice system, yet I'm willing to try our justice system again to obtain my human rights and to address an issue that will hurt a woman following in the clutches of traffickers.
Being a victim isn't a crime. As I mentioned, I was devastated when I arrived in Arizona and I have attempted to not incriminate another innocent human being without reason; still, after the stalking, third party harassment and arriving and being abused by certain family members who refuse to speak the truth I had no choice. I question everything, as I realize that the apartment that I lived in was an initial suggestion by a M. Lipman and I see how women are tooled around simply because we are women. Why would anyone "smash out" another's life? And why are some of our public servants afraid to address the issue? All citizens deserve human rights.
I am a supporter of the Innocence Project, and I keep updates about the progress that they make exonerating innocent men and women who have been wrongfully incarcerated. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the organizations who cater to women's rights made the same progress for victims who are not incarcerated? Wouldn't it be wonderful if women had pro bono attorneys who stood for women's rights? Wouldn't the freedom of women make our world better? I believe so, and women deserve to be heard and our human rights should not be a question of sin, ethnicity, marital status or sexual identification. We are human beings and we deserve the right to end abuses.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.
Lately, I've been going through a growth spurt of sorts. You know, one of those times when the Creator makes you heal old wounds that you don't want to address, or that you don't have the time to address because they're so deep. I'm sure we all go through those periods, whether it's in between jobs or life, somehow the Creator makes you sit still for a while. If you're anything like me, you'd rather be busy and on to the next task. But what happens when we are forced to heal, grow, let go and just look at the things that we don't want to look at? For me, it was recognizing the simple, yet painful reality that not only do men need their fathers in their lives; but, so do women.
So many times, women are judged harshly because we ARE women, and we do not have to do anything to be judged in this way. If you are familiar with my voice on social media, you are also familiar with the fact that I have not access to my human rights for over two years. I have been stalked for years, and I sometimes wonder if it's a gentleman name Ira Turner? Why? Because I have learned that I have a unique family background, and this background has put us all in turmoil at one time or another, and we are somewhat experiences one of those times, now.
I'm posting the above picture because these were two of the most important men in my life. That's me when I was a baby, sitting in my father's lap and my uncle Hercules sitting next to us. We recently lost Hercules, and while I am sometimes sad; I am also forced to recognize all of the wisdom that he left me.
Anyway, I am cutting this short because I'm continually being assaulted and hacked, and it is very annoying. My point was that, although it is International Women's Day, we must never forget how important the men in our lives are to us, and how they make an impact on our lives. I met a man in 2010, and fell in love. He showed me how easy domestic abuse can affect a woman's life who doesn't have a solid male figure in her life. Some women "hate" men, while I never hated my father, I see how the need to have love made me guilty of settling, in the hopes of making a man happy. The results, I have literally been in an invisible prison for over three years because he is using his prominent male connections to stalk, threaten revenge porn obtained illegally, and whatever else he can do.
I am also a victim/survivor of human traffickers who use people for sex money, financial gains anyway they can. Misogyny is real, and I believe that women should acknowledge their wounds, but also don't forget to love someone; however, be selective.
Enjoy this evening, beautiful people.
I am writing this blog this afternoon with respect to others, but also with respect to myself, as the Citizens of our world must know what "everyday people" are facing. I am especially writing this as a citizen who is concerned for all children of color, as well as those who are not of color because it should be a concern to us all. I am a writer, novelist, poet, humanitarian and an introvert. However, before I earned the above titles, I am a survivor of human trafficking, sexual assault and domestic violence.
It has been a tumultuous few years, without question and it has made me clean out thoughts that I had not looked at for years. Some of the thoughts are heartbreaking, and as I looked at all those different spaces it brought up memories; some pleasant and some painful. I've been in conversation with a family member, and I had the painful reflection on my softness and the fact that I smile fairly regularly. What I came to understand was that my mother was extremely hard on me for this, as if I did not have the sense to survive.
Lately I've been writing long-hand, and although I have articles that I'm tweaking and the complicated nature of the violations to my human rights; there are times when silence is literally golden. I often speak about the issues with my network and equipment, and the issues with being stalked and my life reported for years, yet as a victim who has endured it is also a place of learning and I realize that some violations are violations out of habit; passed down to sometimes unknowing children, so matters become delicate, even for children.
As a WOC, human rights can be such a huge issue because as I always mention how I was somewhat sheltered, yet as a WOC it is somehow assumed what an issue means to me, or maybe it is assumed that I do not care about any issues at all. It is amazing how sometimes people actually learn who an individual is only to realize there is always another point of view, and how we take the lives of other's for granted. This brings me back to my earlier mention of silence, especially during very angry times, but also speaking up makes others who are facing challenges that they should also speak up.
Violations of privacy are absolutely unnecessary to learn about another person's value, and as a writer this has been difficult; however, it has also been a lesson.
When an individual is not aware of a situation, and if they are forced to resolve a matter as huge as human rights--it is definitely a matter that will make an innocent person speak up. For me, this experience has helped me to identify where there needs to be resolve and what type of situations that I would like to prevent. Silence is continuing to learn and write, and as a person who seeks justice and not revenge--I like to make my movements reflect that by speaking truth without attacking.
Enjoy your weekend.
So, it's one of those mornings where you realize that there are shifts taking place, and everyone is experiencing technology and communication is a part of that shift. For me, social media was a must because I could not understand without others. It's amazing how as a writer and an introvert, I notice the subtlest of movements and I know that I'm not the only one. Our children don't play outside, how many of us did growing up and to me that shows the conditioning of more thought and mental activity because after all, technology is about thinking and problem solving, in a way.
I have had more than enough time to reflect on the past, and understand how busy our world has become. I wonder to myself, why I have been blocked out of my life and I hear the theories of others and many times, it does not resonate. I understand that individuals want to be a part of, but I am on the end without any respect and to receive punishment for different choices and misjudgments is inhumane.
I did an interview with Leroy Baylor of Books That Matter in 2001, and the interview was for MAMA WAS DOWN WITH THE MOVEMENT, while
Welcome to my blog spot. I aim to share, inspire, motivate and connect with others to witness the human spirit in motion.