Having Peace and Seeking

So, it's one of those mornings where you realize that there are shifts taking place, and everyone is experiencing technology and communication is a part of that shift. For me, social media was a must because I could not understand without others. It's amazing how as a writer and an introvert, I notice the subtlest of movements and I know that I'm not the only one. Our children don't play outside, how many of us did growing up and to me that shows the conditioning of more thought and mental activity because after all, technology is about thinking and problem solving, in a way. 

But what happens when we use technology in ways that help one another, or show another point of view to someone who is also seeking answers or trying to understand a situation. I have been so embarrassed many times, but when you realize that technology can connect you to people and individuals that you would normally not be connected to, it becomes a huge concern. 

It has become clear that some people may not trust a quiet person, or someone who appears to be too squeaky clean. I can understand this, and sometimes the less known causes and adds mystery to people. This can be good or bad, but what happens when the world is busy outside the world of an introvert, and also add a specific culture? This has been my circumstance, our world is busy and technology and music connect people in a way, I believe, that is so different than in the past. 

Artists can connect state to state with ease, and new artists can showcase and interact with other artists. The internet expands our world, but what happens when an individuals world becomes unsafe? This is where the same avenue that is used for positive can be used otherwise, and it can be scary. But, I say all of this to share that I am humble, and I am not a bad ass and I realized how connected people are on social media. As an introvert I read a lot, and probably the only adult subscription I've ever paid for as an adult is Wired magazine.

I think about while I was student at Columbia, and being a nontraditional student who lived in Bedford Stuyvesant I interacted with other artists in the community. During some time in school, I'd cut my hair in a low cesar cut and wear a baseball cap. I'd wear jeans, Timberlands and a hoodie, especially in the winters. I always wore make-up and earrings, but people identify sexual preferences with attire, for a lack of a better way to say it. For me, it was a way to distract attention. 

As a geeky quiet young person, sometimes the attention can be overwhelming. For me, I was teased bullied and very awkward, but it taught me how to communicate and how to write. It gave me a sense of humor, and a modesty from knowing how it feels to be left out. In a sense, I could say that I was sheltered and maybe this never leaves. 

As I experienced the series of past events, and because they felt dangerous as I heard any rumor I repeated it. Why? No justice, no peace. I am not a person to ask, "Why me?" I am not immature, and I know that everyone has a hard time. But I also knew that I did not merit the treatment, and I know the energy that I exude. There have definitely been some issues that I was not aware of, and I regret that so many people were misinformed. 

I may appear to be a control freak, but I'm not. I am just like any other individual who would like to protect their assets and know all the facts. I believe that surrounding situations prevented that, and as I mentioned earlier, peace is important to me. People even need peace from untruths because an untruth can cause unwarranted anger and strife. I do not want to be a part of that. 

What I'm interested in is sharing careers and ideas, and watching them come to bloom. So yes, it has been lonely because some say you do find your tribe at work and in your career. Within the alone grind time, it can be rough and especially as a woman. Yes, we are still easily victimized and for me safety is important and working with a team who enhance one another. 

Also, I needed to use the platform of social media for others to get to know me and to hear my point of view. I had so many layers, and if you really knew me growing up you know that I am shy and very private. Like I say, I keep my science to myself. Everyone doesn't want to talk about what I want to talk about. Anyway, I truly believe that you get what you give, and you can not expect people to trust and work with you if they don't know you. 

I worked so hard that I can not let the opportunity to be a part of the literary community, and to contribute pieces of my journey. I too, was that little unsure girl, clueless and bewildered and I was fortunate to have an old school mom to raise me. However, life teaches the real hard lessons and that has been what this has been for me. 

I know I'd seem so feisty to some people, and maybe standoffish, but experience will make you fight. Some mornings I wake up mad, and I have to acknowledge how hard I fought and share about it. My human rights? It was as if God was saying, "Ok, here's the big one." And not once have I ever not believed the promises, and this has been such a challenge. 

Anyway, thank you for reading my blog. I'm also on Facebook, so click the link above. If it doesn't work, I'm working on it. 

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