As a woman who has worked all of her adult life with a few hard knocks, I sacrificed. I never made much money as a freelancer, so by the time I held a full time job, I was in debt. I'm in debt again, and what's sad is that I realize that these individuals have always been close to keep me miserable.
I say all of this to say, that when anyone has to shout for justices whether big or small, it usually comes from a deeper place. For me, I assumed I was paying dues and didn't complain much so I can understand some people not knowing what I was experiencing. My unspoken truth was that I looked forward to settling into seeing my family more, and being able to be a contributor for the good, which doesn't always equate to money.
I, personally, have lost time, but then again it's a part of being grown and I'm not the only one living out my life. Everyone is getting older, and my thinking is that that's important and it counts. The insult is for anyone to think that these issues aren't on my mind? It's about the sacrifices that we make, and for me my passion about my dilemma comes from this place.
Some events have a ripple effect, and as I acknowledge the separation of my parents and the losses from that event alone, I had/have some catching up to do. This is only food for thought, and a different perspective on one of the reasons sometimes people become adamant about their truth.
I don't know all of my family secrets because no one ever told me. I remember shortly after I came out of the hospital after getting hit by a car on Newport, and I sensed the indifference from some family members, as if to say WTF she survived. I was a small frail 4/5 year old without any front teeth. I wonder why no one shared with me the information that pertains to me, and somehow I believe that it's connected to my right now.
An event has stuck out of my mind, lately. I believe it's because all of my belongings are in storage and it's as if these individuals don't want me to be able to secure my life. I know that I'm worthy, in the midst of smoke and mirrors that have always adamantly wanted me to believe that I have no worth, at all.
When I lived on 39th Street in Murray Hill, I lived in a building owned by Catholic Charities. I learned of the building by way of a classmate at Columbia named M. Suber, who was an aggressive type of man and looking back, I was intimidated by his street smarts coupled with his intellect. I was still a baby inside, so when he'd bum rush me with mackdaddy type adoration, he made me nervous. It got so bad for me that I asked our Dean to tell him to stop. I didn't mean any harm, but he kind of intimidated me.
Anyway, I moved into this building and I had to join some type of Women's Society to live there. Looking back, I'm not even sure what that was about. I lived next to one of the kindest women I'd ever met and she was so sweet. She was from Asia, and studying at CUNY for her Masters. At the end of my first year at Columbia, I remember being overwhelmed and this is when this is when M. Suber's girlfriend who ran this building and the Priest threatened me "out of the blue" that they were going to keep my belongings if I didn't pay my rent. I was maybe two weeks behind. I was in complete shock, and being the firecracker that I was I had a fit because I knew it was illegal.
When I was railroaded after Halsey in Brooklyn to 114th in Manhattan and then to 107th Street on the Upper Westside, I ran into M. Suber and his then wife Robbie Keiber and she was so standoffish even though all was forgiven. I knew that she knew that I didn't want her husband, so what could the problem be? She is Catholic, and she attended the church up the street from where I was living at the time and I also saw the Priest who threatened to keep my belongings. I believe I apologized in my own way, even though what they attempted was illegal.
Now, I'm wondering if they were always a part of the root of my demise. I love God and have been known to go to any building that claims to love God, too. Maybe because of my dismantled childhood is the reason I feel this way, but I've never been a huge group person, anyway. I don't understand the reasonings behind what I'm experiencing, but I do know that it's not right and there are abuses of power.
I never had any direct dealings with ACORN, but it's as if someone pointed me out to them. Is 39th Street the root of the problem, or does it travel back to the sixth grade when I attended Blessed Sacrement for one year? What I am certain of is that my human rights are being violated by way and means of abuses of power. Not only should I have my human rights, there isn't a reason why I shouldn't.
Even now, my emails are tampered with and diverted and my rights were even violated in a corporate environment. What's even sadder is that I'm a people person, but not a follower. I've made my share of mistakes, but I'm not easily led to distraction. However, as embarrassing as this has been, I don't think I would have made the connection of these people in my life if I didn't entertain the illusion of stupidity for a tick.
It's been the saddest experience that I've ever seen. Even I have witnessed my journey and I can see how these people have always been somewhere close seeking destruction, and it's so pathetic.
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